


What You Deserve

by castledfranks



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10055204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castledfranks/pseuds/castledfranks
Summary: Erin struggles with Nadia's death, but Jay is right there to catch her when she falls.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just moving all my works from Tumblr. Comment if you like :)

_Just one more drink. It won’t hurt after just one more drink._

It’s the same lie, night after night. Erin knew it, but she couldn’t stop. She was desperate to drown the pain, to erase the image of Nadia’s body lying battered in that shallow grave. 

God but the image was seared into her memory, and it wouldn’t go away. No matter what she did.

She’d seen a lot of shit in her life. Hell, she came up from shit. But nothing had ever affected her like this, and she had a feeling nothing ever will.

She hung her head until it hit the lip of the bar. The force caused her hand to shake and she dropped her glass, spilling the contents all over the counter. She cussed under her breath and dove for a napkin before Gabby Dawson shuffled over to help.

She was spiraling and she knew it. But she wasn’t strong enough to pull herself out. Not anymore.

The bell above Mollys’ front door jingled and out of the corner of her eye, Erin saw Gabby nod in her direction. Within seconds, she felt a strong, familiar hand squeeze her shoulder and she instantly began to deflate.

“Not here,” he whispered as she looked into his eyes, tears moments from spilling over the sides.

She reached out with both hands and grabbed onto his leather jacket, relieved when she felt his strong arms holding her closely to his body. She needed the support; her knees were shaking and she was afraid her legs were about to come out from under her.

He pushed open the door and the cool spring air hit her face with a gust, instantly drying the tears in the corners of her eyes. They were mere inches from her car when she stumbled and fell into his chest.

She collapsed on impact, weeping into the familiar feel of his cotton tee. As she began to sink, his arms kept her from hitting the ground, and soon the two were kneeling next to her car.

His hand found the top of her head and stroked down her hair while she wept. And he let her, remaining silent while everything she’d kept bottled up for the last three days came spilling out in waves.

When he felt her body stop shaking, he dipped his hand beneath her hair and rubbed her neck. Tracing her jaw gently with his fingertips, he tilted her chin up, pushed the hair out of her eyes and wiped her cheeks. But still, he said nothing.

And she was grateful.

Erin was never the type that liked to show emotion, especially to her colleagues. In a world full of testosterone, she was one of the only women, and emotions were weakness in her line of work. The fact that he knew not to speak while she was breaking down was a true sign of his respect - and how well he knew her. And the fact that she had broken down in his arms was a true sign of how much she trusted him.

She stared up at him, momentarily finding solace in his beautiful green eyes. He smiled at her and slowly, they rose to their feet.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s get you home,” he said, reaching for the passenger side door.

She shook her head, her hand latching onto his forearm. “I can’t, Jay…” her voice trailed off. “I can’t go back home.”

His brow creased and he leaned against the car. His hands never left her.

“I see her everywhere,” she continued, her voice a whisper. “I just… I can’t stay there tonight.”

Jay nodded and pulled her into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and helped her into the passenger’s seat before jumping into the driver’s seat. He gripped the steering wheel and turned to her, raising his eyebrows as a silent question, “where to?”

—

Jay threw his jacket on the nearest chair and kicked his shoes into the corner. He didn’t like clutter in his apartment, but his main priority was making sure Erin was comfortable.

He’d never seen her look so empty. In truth, it freaked him out that she could feel this way. She was the strongest person he knew, and he came from the military. He’d seen guys throw themselves on grenades, survive and return to their lives almost as if nothing happened.

She lingered in the hallway, and Jay returned to her side. His hand traveled down her arm and lingered momentarily before he laced his fingers through hers, leading her towards the couch. He bent down for the remote and she shook her head.

Her lips parted as if to speak, but instead she shut her eyes and put a hand to her forehead. She was clearly struggling.

Jay leaned against the arm of the couch and turned her towards him. “Hey,” he said as her eyes opened. “I’m here. Just tell me what you need.“ He gave her hand a squeeze and for the first time all night, she offered him a smile. It was weak, but a smile nonetheless.

She squeezed back and swung her arms back and forth. “I just want to lie down.”

He nodded, a smile forming at the left corner of his lips, and led her towards his bedroom.

She removed her shoes and got under the covers while he placed a glass of water on the nightstand next to her. He smoothed the covers over her arms and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, his dog tags dangling right against her face. When he turned to leave, her arm shot out from beneath the blanket and grabbed his. “Don’t,” she said. Her voice was wavering, and the look on her face damn near broke his heart. “Will you stay with me? Please?”

Jay bowed his head and shut the light. He climbed into bed next to her, snuggling right against her back, and snaked an arm across her stomach. With one hand, she grasped his tightly, and the other arm rested directly over his. He kissed her shoulder a few times and rested his lips against the small patch of skin showing between her shirt and neck. He felt her body begin to shake and he held her tighter, bracing them both for the sobs that began escaping her lips. She cried, really cried, and he just held her, kissing her body every so often to remind her that he was there.

After a while she turned over to face him, her nose touching his. Her eyes were shut as he ran his thumb gently over the tops of her cheeks, catching any lingering tears that wet her skin. He watched her quietly until she opened her eyes; then he smiled, and rested his forehead against hers.

She craned her neck so her lips could reach his and she kissed him. She dragged her hand over his hip and under his shirt before coming to a stop in the center of his back, pulling herself closer to him. “Thank you,” she said breathlessly, their eyes locking.

He hummed and followed her lead, sliding his arm under her shirt to rest at the small of her back. He could feel the tension in her body instantly disappear and he loved watching her lashes flutter like they were doing now. It was a sign she was comfortable; he liked that he made her feel comfortable.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he finally said. “I’ve always got your back… personally, professionally. You should never feel like you have to go through something like this alone. And if you can’t go to Voight, or you don’t want to, I hope you know you can always come to me.”

She winced. “I know, it’s just… after everything…”

He shook his head and backed up enough so she could see his face in the moonlight that was spilling through his curtains. “We’re a team, Erin, in more ways than just being partners. Voight may have put the kabosh on us in a physical sense, but he can’t change what you mean to me. Nothing can, and more importantly nothing will. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Heat flushed her cheeks and the urge to kiss him, to have him in every way she wanted was too strong to fight any longer. To hell with Hank. She was entitled to happiness, just like Nadia always told her. _You’ve gotta do you, okay? You see more crap, more violence than anyone I’ve met. At the end of the day, you deserve to come home to someone you love, who loves you, and who can make all that go away even for a little bit. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Not even Voight. Promise me._

Erin laced her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, breaking the kiss long enough to whisper “I need you.” And when he made their bodies one, Erin felt whole. This is who Nadia meant for her to come home to. This is what she deserved. And she would honor Nadia, in every way she knew how.


End file.
